Ooh I realized that I'm creeping closer and closer to being a "man". In particular I'm the sort of man that wears boxer shorts and a T-shirt and dress socks while sitting on the couch watching television. It feels like I skipped the rest of my twenties, all of my thirties, and arrived in my mid forties after a divorce and with a child living with her mother somewhere near Des Moines.
Last night I wrote down a few ideas about this movie that a friend and I think would be fun to make. Some of you may have heard about this, a few of you may try to take credit for it, and most of you will simply scroll down to the comments and look for something by Chloe. But here it is: The movie opens with Jesus on the cross, and he is screaming his head off. The crowd is throwing things and cursing him and he looks upset and very bloody. He dies. His body is moved to a cave just as in the Bible. Days later people come to pay their respects and show up at the cave to view thee body. The cave is entered and Whoops! Jesus is alive. Actually he is undead because he is a zombie and he eats the Roman guards and the Marys who came to visit. The Legend of a resurrected Jesus begins. He eats many people and they become zombies, or "converts". I've got nothing after that, I just think up more and more descriptions of the crucifiction scene and the initial revelation of an undead Jesus. I'm open to ideas. I was forced to go to church for much of my young life.
9 comments:
dude, what about the part where jesus contracts the zombie virus from lazarus (oh the irony)? or the part where the pope (except for pius the xth, that guy was an asshole) is actually the reincarnation of pontias pilate, forced to spend all of eternity continually killing the zombie jesus, and how breaking bread in church (eating the body of christ) is like taking a pennicilin shot, the only way to not become a zombie yourself, and how the knights templar are really jesus' army of undead acolytes, and the only way to break the spell is for a virgin who has been baptised to drive a cross through his heart while correctly pronouncing "kyrie eleison"? don't you remember when i seduced you at that lance armstrong cancer rally, took you home and bathed your supine body while whispering the plotline in your ear? and have i ever told you how much you remind me of the son on "dr katz"?
loves and kissypoo, CHLOE............
Ben stop posing as Chloe, i'd recognize the lack of appropriate capitalization and the knights templar reference anywhere
HZA rocks! I can't wait for your new album man...jeez i can't tell how important you;ve been in my life...i named my parakeet HZA after you man....
How jealous am I that HZA has cult following? Zombie Jesus. . .that's not bad. Let's storyboard it.
has "a" cult following. . .
i would've thought the"supine body reference, more than anything, would've tipped you off as to my true identity. got news for ya, though; i'm not the only one masquerading as CHLOE (insert ominous music here)...
GET YO POPCORN READY
Greetings. It's me, Chloe. Did you like that I said 'Greetings' instead of 'Hi' or 'Dear...'? I think that's how they used to do it in the old days. Anyway, I'm not sure if you're sort of mad at me or worried about me or anything, and I want to say that I'm reallyreally sorry I haven't put any responses on your blogs lately. In fact, I haven't even really read any of the recent ones until just now. So I'm reallyreallyreally sorry. BUT, I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo excited that you mentioned me in the blog and that you told me your favorite flavor of ice cream, ALTHOUGH, I am worried about you shouting at the counter, since I work at Baskin Robbins, and I'm not sure if you know, but that job is pretty stressful already, so maybe you sort of scare the scoopers (that's what they call the people at the counter, or at least, where I work they do) and make their jobs even harder. I mean, I don't know, just a thought. Anyway, the next question is: what would you do with $100 dollars if you found it on the street? I would buy a complete set of Victoria Secret lotions and then put the rest into a savings account. Anyway, I wanted you to know again I'm sorry about not reading and responding to your blog and for any concern I caused. The thing is, we- my family and I, not, like, me and a boyfriend-went to Palm Springs to visit my grandma. She's doing ok, but it's weird how she is getting so old. Ronnie called her a 'shitfaced old bag with hemeroids' and Dad even agreed. But since he said it, he didn't get to have any dessert when we went out to dinner at Chili's. I felt sort of bad for him, and tried to sneak him some of my oversized chocolate chip cookie but he didn't want it. Also, when we were staying at the hotel, Ronnie tried to get into the pool area after it was closed and he set off all these alarms and stuff and got us into a lot of trouble, so Mom said when we got home, Ronnie would have to give up seven of his CDs and when she went to collect, he punched a hole in the wall, even though THEN he gave her the CDs. So, THEN, Mom said Ronnie has to go to an extra anger management workshop or class or meeting for the next three weeks. I would normally be worried for you that Ronnie might see what I'm writing and get really mad at you, but he just left to go to Del Taco and then to see 'Coach Carter' with his banda. Well, not all of them, I think it's just Danny, McFarlane (that's his last name, he won't tell us his first name) and Barista. Barista is not really the name of one of his friends. It's really Matthew, and, I want you to know I did NOT get the idea to change my name from him. I swear. I did NOT. But, a while ago, he got hired at this bar as a bartender, and he wanted everyone to start calling him Bartender, then he'd say, 'because I like to stir things up and mix it up. Fuck yeah!!' But, then he got fired, so that name didn't really stick. Now he works at Starbucks and they call the people who make the drinks and make the change 'Barista's' so that's what they call him. Anyway, Ronnie used to sleep all day on the weekends, so Mom decided a couple of months ago she would make him get up and do something. I mean, today, he probably WILL go to the movie and stuff, but I really think they will also smoke some marijuana later, and I don't think that's what Mom had in mind when she suggested that he make his weekends more productive. Ronnie used to sell something called crystal methanphetamine, and since I found out what that was, I decided NOT to change my name to Crystal since I had thought about it, so then I decided on Chloe, since it's a lot better and less dirty. So, it's been sort of stressful for me, going out of town, trying to catch up on assignments from my professors. And I haven't had ANY time to write any new poems. But, I am glad I had the time to look at the blogs, since, I think I mentioned, they are my lifeboats of relief from an inner island of torture called home. You know, when I graduate from college, I'm planning on leaving Orange County and moving to either Baltimore or Orlando or MAYBE Reno, since I reallyreally want to find a place that will allow me to live a bohemian lifestyle with other metropolitan-minded young people who apprecitate culture and the finer things in this life. But, I'm going to have to save A LOTLOTLOT of money for a dream like that.
Anyway, I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of your blog, but I noticed some people responding to your blogs and mentioning me. At first, I decided to ignore it, but now I feel it is almost smothering. First of all, Mr. 'Joshua Hillis': I believe the artist you are refering to is Crown of Thorns, and I don't know if wearing flannel is a punishment to you or a reward or what, but I hope you're satisfied. I noticed another response asking if I 'spoon.' I asked Ronnie what that meant and he said 'that's how homo's fuck.' So, I know I'm not a homosexual, and I doubt Mr. 'Anonymous' is refering to the musical ability to make harmony playing to kitchen utensils. So, I looked it up in the dictionary, and the only verb relating to 'spoon' was 'to kiss or caress,' and all I can say is that that's definitely none of anyone in the blogging universe's business. Sorry for being a tough girl, but it's true. And it hurts that I can't take back that fateful night of bad decisions that I unfondly remember as Gina Carmichael's birthday party, whose course I could have alterned by simply not taking that twelfth sip of gin and tonic. And, last but not unimportant, I have NOOOOO idea who is posing as me or pretending to blog as me, but I have reason to believe that may be illegal, and whoever you are, I would stop right now and get help relating to your own personal identity crisis. Oh, also, 'housman' (hey, is that your first or last name or a made-up name??? Shouldn't there be an 'e' between the 's' and the 'm'? Just wondering), I read your last blog about the movie and Jesus and I wanted to tell you that Yolanda told me that in the Hispanic-American culture where they speak Spanish, the name Jesus is pronounced 'Hay-zeus.' Isn't that cool? So, let me know what you'd do with the $100 and how you are.
Your absent but not abstaining nor altered amiga (that means 'friend' in Spanish), Chloe
hello Chloe I think that you are probably a QT. Do you want to go steady?
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