Ok so normally when putting on and taking off a wetsuit, a towel is worn so that the public does not see your naked lower body. Today I forgot to bring a towel with me. I was taking my suit off next to my friend's truck, naked because of no towel, but relatively blocked from the public view by a car parked very close to my friend's. I noticed a woman and her baby approaching and thought to myself "please don't get into the car next to me", which of course they did. Keep in mind that there were probably sixty five cars in the parking lot. What are the odds? What could I do? I had no protection. Both mother and child were within two feet of my nakedity. I was laughing so hard that I pulled an abdominal muscle. They pretended not to notice, but I mean come on.
9 comments:
maybe there was nothing TO notice. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...
ah, snap!
You know if I had no penis at all, or even a penis so small that it was difficult to see from within two feet, wouldn't that be even more noticeable than an, ahem, average sized one?
Hi. Greetings from Orange County, USA! It's me, Chloe. So, I read your blog, and....once again, I hope you do not feel isolated in this disturbing and isolating world. I want you to know that something similar happened to me: one time, I was changing into my work uniform after I had been at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf before work, and this customer just completely walked into the bathroom, and all I was wearing was my bra and black pants, as well as my socks and sneakers. I was just about to put on my Baskin Robbins top, when this man walked in. I knew the lock didn't work, but I was leaning up against the door, but since it was a man, he had the strength, will, desire, and testosterone to force his way in. I was mortified, humiliated, embarrassed and downright angry about the violation of my space, privacy and womanhood. I said in a forceful voice, "Excuse me!" and he laughed. I waited in the bathroom for 34 minutes until I had reason to believe he had left the premise. Then I tried to report him to my manager, Erica, but she said it wasn't Baskin Robbins' fault. So I looked on one of my paychecks and found a 1-800 number and tried to report the incident, but I wound up on the phone for so long and Ronnie told mom I was hogging it and being 'a little tightass bitch,' so I gave him the use of the phone. I made that phone call after work, not during my shift. Also, all that happened about four months ago, so the good news for you, is that you'll be okay, even though right now you might be feeling violated and isolated.
Hey, you know what I realized? You don't know very much about me. And I really hope to find out some more information about your personality and life and hopes and dreams and love. So...I created a poll for you. It has questions about you and your interests and opinions and before that, I filled it out so you can feel closer to me and my heart. Ok, here goes:
Name: Chloe Dove
Date of Birth: March 21, 1985
Favorite Color: Purple
Favorite Food: Tie between bean and cheese burritos and pancakes with chocolate chips
Favorite Song: '1985' by Bowling For Soup
Favorite Starbucks Drink: White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino
Favorite Clothing Apparel Store: Old Navy
Favorite Movie: 'Mean Girls'
Favorite Female Artist: Gwen "It's My Life" Stefani
Favorite TV Show: Tie between 'One Tree Hill' and 'Gilmore Girls'
Favorite Acress: Natalie Portman
Favorite Actor: Will Smith
Favorite Male Artist: Tie between Gavin "Chariot" McGraw and Josh "You Raise Me Up" Groban
Family: Mom, Dad, Ronnie (Orange County), Grandma in Palm Springs, Uncle Ben and Aunt Lori and cousins Stephanie and Mary in Victorville, and Grandma and Uncle John and Aunt Sharon and cousins Ryan (that's a girl!) and Andy (boy) in Sacramento
Favorite Relative: cousin Ryan (girl) in Sacramento
Pets: golden retriever, Jackie and 4 fish, The Smith Family (we don't really know which one is which)
Ok, so after you read this, let me know what you think about me and who I am, and ESPECIALLY let me know if you agree and have any of the answers in common with me. Then, just answer the questions with your own answers, and let me know who you are and what you're into. It's fun.
Even though I don't really know you, I want you to know what I think in my mind. I picture you as a 31 year-old man from San Luis Obispo. You have a goatee and are tall. You live with four other 31-year olds with whom you went to college in Central California. You're a computer software programmer. You like to attend school (like me!) and are very, very smart. You swim, jog, jump rope, and weight lift to stay fit and trim. You have a dog, and you enjoy walking him/her daily. You love the rain. You also love good movies, friends, laughing and smiling. You appreciate art and culture. You like the color blue. And you are very sensitive. That's the person I see when I lose myself and my heart in each and every one of the words and letters which make up the lyrical and melodic harmony of your blogs.
Hey, do you like Christmas or your birthday better? I like them both equally, but Christmas is more stressful for me.
Your completely curious and cosmically content companion, Chloe
DUDE, i swear to JEEBUS i'm not chloe.
love, BENjAMIN
(and your reasoning on the penis-thing sounds pretty weak...)
Just to clear the air, I've seen Housman's penis on several occasions and it is a fine penis indeed. No, not just fine, it is a dandy penis. That is all. So let's drop the penis thing and give our friend the peace and contemplative quiet he needs to answer Chloe's poll.
Then maybe, afterwards, we can all get together at our place and have a Movie Marathon. Ben's turning 31 tommorrow and he wants to share his new screenplay with us all. I hear it's going to rain (i hope it's true) so bring your slickers and we might be able to finish out that unresolved jump-rope tournament we started last time.
Cheers,
Johnny S.
grandmas
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