Wednesday, October 26, 2005

the doctor is in

i am the relationship doctor. do you have any questions about your relationship that you would like answered? pose them to me, and i will amaze you. i will amaze you with how little i actually know about what girls want. and this utter lack of understanding will force a realiztion on your part that you are much better off in your difficult situation than i could possibly be, and immediately you will know what to do to make things right. well to be precise, you will know what not to do. you see i am more of a relationship shaman. my mysterious incantations and utterly meaningless gibberish will put you into a dream-state, and in this hyper-aware state, the truth that you seek will come to you, though it will be the literal opposite from any actual advice that i am liable to blurt out without thinking. hit me up. i'll cruise on by and fix you up.
-dr housman

6 comments:

Justin Cooley said...

Dr. Housman,

I see you have taken a firm stand against capital letters.

Housman said...

you see it really is an issue of laziness. thank you for the comment though
-dr

Bill Eseltine said...

Hey E.E. Cummings. . .stop whining so much. THAT'S what girls want. Seriously, how are you? Seriously.

Housman said...

i dont know who ee cummings is. otherwise, im doing alright. seriously.

Anonymous said...

Dr. Rosenpenis,

I have supernatural powers over 18 year old irish girls studying sound-engineering. I'm afraid I might let these powers exercise themselves unchecked, thus inadvertently setting irish production values back about ten years, to say 1993, the zooropa-era. Wow, having articulated it like that I realize the outcome might not be as bad as I feared and maybe my powers are a blessing in disguise. You are awesome, Dr. Housman.

-anonymous

Anonymous said...

hey HZA, answer me this. caitlin really was looking forward to meeting you at the wedding (which was fucking awesome, by the way) but you didn't come, apparently thinking it better to stay in SLO watching CSI and crying than spending a week with your friends in the most beautiful country in the world, drinking and hanging out and having a good time. my question is, how do i now explain to her that you aren't a big fat tool, when i myself am no longer sure?

(seriosly, it would've been totally worth it, just to see a) the size of caitlin's tits, and b) jody stealing nic's thunder, in the most blatant cock-block i've ever seen)

love, BENjAMIN.........